April Fools’ Day: Ayumi Hamasaki to Retire

“I am a product that is no longer wanted”, began a blog post written by Ayumi Hamasaki. In light of her disastrous performance on yesterday’s episode of Music Station, she’s decided to call it quits on her career. It’s been reported that Avex begged Music Station’s producers to let her on yesterday’s three hour special, in an effort to boost her sagging career. That plan certainly backfired.

“I’d rather watch KPop than this!”, wrote one commenter on Girls Channel. “Why wasn’t Arashi on instead of this sad old lady?”, read one tweet. One 2ch user wrote, “I saw Ayumi perform 15 years ago, and it was the best concert I’ve ever been to! Last night’s performance was like a cheap Chinese knockoff of a luxury good!”

Ayu’s an avid user of social media, and she’s seen multiple comments like the ones above over the past day. It’s all taken a toll on her, too much of a toll. “These comments hurt more than the ones after I cried on NHK’s SONGS.”

Ayu wrote in her blog post that one of the reasons she sounded off last night was due to her deafness, something which has progressed over the years. “I was told to stop singing years ago, but singing is my life! I have to do this for my fans, because they are my heart”, she wrote.

Another reason for her off performance was the show’s performance order. She thought she would be closing the show, but she was second to last, preceding X JAPAN. Ayu said that it was right for AKB48 to precede her, referencing the 2011 incident where she skipped the show in protest due to her performing before AKB48, an incident which result in a temporary ban from Music Station. “Why should I not perform last? Have I not done enough to get this spot? I deserve it over the band (referring to X JAPAN), given how much of a legacy I have compared to theirs.”

What will Ayu do, now that she’s retired? Go back to Los Angeles, a place that she feels truly at home. “I am judged so much in my home country, but in America, I feel free. Free to be me, the real Ayumi Hamasaki, and not the product ‘Ayumi Hamasaki’.”

We may get a glimpse of Ayu during her retirement though. “My favorite restaurant in Los Angeles is Villa Blanca. I have become great friends with the owner, Lisa Vanderpump. She is on a television program in America called ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.’ I have even secretly appeared on the program before, in the background at a large party at her home. She asked me before to join the show’s cast, but I said it was not a good fit for me. But I am now at a new stage in my life, so perhaps now it is a good fit for me.”

Ayu is also looking for love still, after many public failures in love and marriage. She has one requirement though: he must be white. In the only English section of the blog post, Ayu wrote, “If he’s white, he’s alright!”

Ayu’s music recording career is effectively over, seeing as how she doesn’t plan to release a new album. She does, however, plan on having one final tour, a dome tour, her first since 2001. She will tour Japan’s five major domes at the end of this year and the beginning of next year, with the tour ending at Tokyo Dome on February 30. She will then return to Los Angeles on March 1, to begin the rest of her life as the retired Empress of JPop.

  • Comments

    • yacchaitai

      like i’d believe this on april 1st

      • yamakita

        If only this were true.

    • annie

      i got sad watching her on music station and really believed this until that part about x japan lmao

      • Matcha

        Come on, it wasn’t that bad!

    • Midna

      THIS HURTS ME </3

    • Maknae

      I thought it was April Fool’s until the “If he’s white, he’s alright!” part. That’s too real to be made up! Totes legitz.

      • Ben

        Well.. Ayu has become that typical Asian girl who only goes after white men. Not very surprising if this was real

        • soyulim

          So true, I see these crazy asian woman with white fever literally everywhere that it’s become so cringe worthy!

          • Falano
          • Ben

            and gay asian men too.. I don’t have a problem with interracial dating but when you are only into .. it becomes cringe worthy esp when that race is not yours… (Black men only into white women… white women only into black guys… asian girls only into white men etc)

            • storrrm

              It does get kinda creepy in some cases. Especially when it seems more like a fetish than a preference. Like guys who are only interested in extra-hefty women.
              There are still people who can’t fathom someone dating outside of their race. I think it’s fine. I also don’t think it’s wrong not to, either. People tend to get their feelings hurt when, for example, a white guy says he only likes white girls. I personally don’t see a difference. I personally wouldn’t not date someone because of their race.

    • Soyeon

      Screaming cause Ayu’s extra ass would start a somber blog post (or song) like that omg

    • Thomas

      Noooo Ayu!! You should join AKB48 instead :(

      • Matcha

        fuck know, save Ayu from those pedos!

        • Thomas

          But pedos are into kids not grandmas

    • Queen

      Hey Ronald, your gay is showing :-p

    • Cherry

      Okay you fooled me, Arama

    • pondloso

      man i really happy until comment section….

      • Sakura Harano

        I know

      • Matcha

        savage

      • Ben

        Bitch please she only wants white men? because Japanese men aren’t good enough for her? Fuck this C**T!

    • Taima-kun

      LMAO this is gold
      i enjoyed reading this

    • Yaya👑

      I believe every word until the February 30 part

      • Lolol

        Haha I know.. That was so dumb!

      • rshina

        me too XD

    • Mr.Taxi™

      You almost got me lol

    • Yawn

      Posting an April Fool’s joke on April 2nd? Come on guys.. How hard is it to get the day right?
      This website has become so lame..

      • It’s still April 1 in the the Americas.

      • Luccia

        Do you think the world only has one time zone?

        girl……..

        • Yawn

          Do you think America is the whole world? Lol
          It was posted on April 2nd in Japan… And this website is Arama JAPAN so many readers are in.. Japan!

          • dasai

            lol, i really doubt readers in JAPAN frequent this site. this site is most certainly for english speakers

            • It was also late for Europe though…

          • HyperMoot .

            “Do you think America is the whole world?” it isn’t?

          • Cherry

            Arama is a US based site for English speakers. Of course everyone is welcome, but that is the main audience and thus that is why they are going by US timezones.

      • rshina

        as long as it’s still April 1st in somewhere, why not post it?
        it still fun to read

    • TruthSpeaker

      Ayu has become a April Fool Joke. She says she deserves better position than X Japan lol… X Japan is still relevant today than her. Sorry Ayu..

      • yamakita

        But you know she thought it!

        • TruthSpeaker

          Yes. Unfortunately she is still living in another world. She says that order change affected her performance. Maybe her ego got hurt. I can completely understand if partial deafness is the reason for under performance. But this one was no reason to put blame on.

      • Amy

        X Japan’s not that damn important…guess that makes Ayu’s situation worse.

    • K

      I wish lmaoooo

    • Irving Ty

      February 30? 😱😱😱😱

    • eureeka

      You had me until the part about her joining the Real Housewives. Too bad it’s not true…

    • surfboardt

      Now she can Instagram Juicy Couture clothing (ft. butt logo) full-time!

      Ah, the retired life.

    • eri

      “Tokyo Dome”

      believed it up until this part L M A O

    • E

      PLEASE BE ON REAL HOUSEWIVES, AYU. PLEASE.

    • uy

      I thought it was true until I read real housewives and “if he’s white, he’s alright!” LOL

    • guest

      Meh, don’t even need to read to know it’s April Fools. The pic and the typical April Fools topic gave it away. Please try harder next year, I miss being fooled on April 1st :(

    • haha

      “Why wasn’t Arashi on instead of this sad old lady?”, read one tweet.” Even this part fits in with the joke. Arashi perform live … April fool lol.

    • guest

      Ayu is such a lazy choice tho. You couldn’t have picked someone more relevant?

      • It made sense given how everyone said how shit she sounded last night!

        • guest

          People have been saying she sounds like shit for years. Arama even did an article about her butchering one of her “never performed before” songs a couple of months ago. She’s a tired target for this kind of thing tbh.

          For a site that thrives on the angry clicks of pissed off stans, you really missed an opportunity here. April 1 is probably the only day of the year you could have targeted a popular current artist and have people walk away with a laugh rather than grudge. Disappointing.

          • HyperMoot .

            Though I tend to avoid posting answers to “lol”, “blip”, “lmao” and “%@” I’ll make an exception for a guest. “For a site that thrives on the angry clicks of pissed off stans, you really missed an opportunity here.” That’s not fair at all. Aramad is not your average traditional site, you do have interesting pieces and a florilege of juicy comments that really match April 1 best shots, webwise, the thing is they are posted randomly not specifically on D-Day :)

            http://aramajapan.com/news/music/one-ok-rock-does-not-rock/69631/

            http://aramajapan.com/news/music/utada-hikaru-is-the-least-interesting-thing-about-fantome/66023/

          • M

            But last night was a “new low” so to speak. She was trending on twitter during her performance. Older people who remembered what Ayu at her peak looked and sounded like were tweeting as if they were in mourning while younger people were calling her a grandma and calling her performance shit. It’s not new comments but it blew up to a big level Friday night. It makes sense.

        • soyulim

          Omg it wasn’t that bad! Ayu still got it! She’s a legend!

    • eplizo

      You had me until the X Japan part. I was like STOP lol.

      I’m disappointed this isn’t real tbh…. :/

    • I totally believed this and started tearing up. Fuck you guys!

    • Midori

      I knew this wasn’t real as soon as I read the headline! xd

    • DestroyX

      The moment I saw this on Facebook, I just knew you were responsible for this Ronald.

      I lost it at “I am a product that’s no longer wanted”. Because that’s low key the truth…

    • Matcha

      Is this real? Cuz if it is, I will break something for reals!

    • honey girl

      I see Ronald can take the time to write up unwanted mess like this article but gets a sudden case of arthritis when it comes to finishing the Jpop Female Soloist series or approving posts in a timely manner. Priorities sis!

    • Mayura

      Am I the only one who hoped this was real?

    • HyperMoot .

      16 hours and only 61 comments, that’s devastating. I think the title wasn’t the best choice, it smelled like April’s fool right from the start. A more direct, obvious yet thought provoking headline would have triggered more passion. Like “Ayu shifts to AV” with a fake interview along those lines: “I felt shocked and betrayed by Hikki when I saw her play tops and bottoms with Sheenah Ringo in that Star Trek vid last September… I’ve already contacted several agencies like Fuelled by Gamen and approached those OOR sissies for auditions…” something like that.

      • Leave already

        Your comments are more annoying and monotone than Ronalds

        • HyperMoot .

          thx, that’s SOME compliment, I’m glad they bother you enough to post. Oh and btw, monotone is not an adjective, geez, where do you live pizza failure, Hicktown, Georgia?

      • Babi Hong

        ??

    • Azusa JLover

      esta es una prueba mas que los kpopers una mierda

    • Aly

      No source..has to be April fools joke.

    • Dalooshe

      When I read the title, something literally broke inside of me for a split second because it was the 2nd here, until reading on lol .

    • anon

      February 30…

    • j.n

      there is no February 30.

      • That’s the joke part.

        • HyperMoot .

          you don’t say , I thought it was this: “I’d rather watch KPop than this!”

    • soyulim

      Can someone tell me if this is an April’s fool joke too or what the hell is going on?!!!! http://girlschannel.net/topics/1127345/
      Is Shuhei Nomura really retiring from entertainment industry or is someone fucking with us too?!

      • yamakita

        It’s a joke.

    • Juergen Becker

      This comments-section is -as usual- both, hilarious and sobering. An assortment of jealous, narrow-minded haters, plagued by an enormous inferiority-complex.
      Hare-brained Asians racists, making sweeping comments from their small-town background against international mobility, against relationships transgressing race and borders. Ranting on Western paedophiles (snatching away grown-up women???really?), gays(???) and other social groupings who have absolutely nothing to do with the content of this seriously irrelevant article.
      If they only understood that some of their women tend towards Western males, because they have had enough of those mentally crippled examples of their own breed.
      Just let this lady do her thing. Getting far away from those half-wit busy-bodies is the right step to lead a pleasant and self-fulfilling life.

    • Falano

      You heartless assholes, leave Ayu alone!

      • hyelinnn

        You Falano is such a stupid gay 🤡

    • ChaiChai

      Could someone add “Aprils Fool” or something to the title please? I can’t believe I talked to people who actually believed that shit lol

    • April’s Fools articles are always labelled as such after the day passed, so visitors that find them later can instantly see that they were just a joke. This should be especially true here as there is no indication of the date anywhere only this ” 3 days ago” thingy at the bottom.

    • nothing

      she’s a fucking mess

    • Liz “Lizzy” Colton

      Can someone put an “April Fools” thing up? It’s not a real article, guys. It’s all good and fun on April Fool’s Day, but it’s been six days. People visiting this site might just see it and think it’s real. I know you guys at Arama aren’t the biggest Ayu fan, but it seems really kinda mean and needlessly unprofessional.