Ayumi Hamasaki joins House Slytherin, Uses The Dark Arts to Oust Namie Amuro

In a shocking bombshell of an admission, Pop Legend Ayumi Hamasaki today revealed that she was dedicated to House Slytherin of Hogwarts Elementary and secretly a powerful Dark Arts Witch. She has already taken one victim- the pure, innocent Namie Amuro.

Both Muggle-born apprentices are the first Japanese students to secretly go through Hogwarts and at first were quite supportive of each other, despite being in separate houses (Amuro being a Ravenclaw). It is uncertain what exactly happened to create the rift between the two promising students, but whatever it is, it caused Namie to leave Hogwarts. Ultimately, this ended up having repercussions in her Muggle life- most notably her retirement from the J-pop industry. However, in an unexpected turn of events for Ayumi, Namie’s exit from the industry has turned out to be a massive success, with her last album selling, well, a butt-load.

What is next for Ayumi Hamasaki is yet to be seen- Will Koda Kumi be the next to be targeted? It also must be noted that the beloved groundskeeper, Hagrid, has gone missing.  The only thing we can be certain of is that her current tour “ayumi hamasaki Just the beginning 第2章 ~sacrifice~”has proven to be both dark and magical. Below is a snapshot taken from her rehearsals at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and the image speaks for itself.

As we move toward an uncertain future, please try to take comfort in knowing that Arama Japan will always be here to bring you the hottest news and gossip. We wish you all the best in the upcoming Christmas season and please try to remember all the good things our new Dark Lord has done for us. Moments was amazing.

  • Comments

    • Totokoko

      Now this is the kind of content I want from Arama.

    • Lullaby

      WHERE IS THE SOURCE LMAO

    • …so anyways

    • Hillary

      Omg

    • eureeka

      Ayu is a squib

      • Paddy Alfan

        Excuse my language but squib is the equivalent of Asians who can’t do math or blacks who can’t do sports or whites who votes for Trump.

    • AkaneHaga

      Arama oh Arama

    • Ringo

      Am I on AramaJapan or RandomJpop?

    • Taylor

      Namie stans being arrogant as always. Congratulations Arama, you’ve just hit a new low.

      • Ash

        Im way more of an Ayumi stan though

    • PigeonPop

      I’m interested in their OWL and NEWT results. Also, why Hogwarts instead of Mahoutokoro or Bueaxbatons or Ilvermorny?

      • Ash

        Ayumi is friends with JK Rowling and got a discount. She took Namie with her for unknown reasons, probably to set her evil plan up to begin with.

        • can you please explain to me, im confusedd af

    • takufox

      Slow news day huh?

    • Chris

      Writing at its finest.

    • Brett

      tbh all you haters out there better stop running your mouths unless you want to be part of the mass hex she’s planning to restore her hearing

    • Dayse

      Now it got me wondering to which house Hikaru Utada belongs to. LOL

      Well, from what I could gather through aaaall those years, I have an image of Ayu as being sweet and delicate, cheerful and animal lover (lots of plus points for this one, someone who loves animals is more likely to be good people in my opinion)…not deceitful and ambitious, so I guess that maybe Ravenclaw would suit her better, perhaps?

      • Ash

        The ones nicest to your face are always the most evil ones in private

      • Ash

        Also, after consulting the Sorting Hat, Utada Hikaru is confirmed to be a Hufflepuff.

        Uggh I think this might be the cutest sentence I’ve ever written.

        • Dayse

          AAAAAW, just as I expected, Hufflepuff! <3
          And yes, that was cute. *winks*

          Humm, about Ayu, I will give her the benefit of doubt. LOL

      • hasawa

        “I have an image of Ayu as being sweet and delicate”
        I think Ayu was borderline delinquent in her youth so I always assumed she was actually quite reckless and assertive. Her recent life choices (shotguns marriages and divorces) and the way she’s leading her career may prove this statement

        • Dayse

          I think she can be both assertive and swet.
          About her relationships, I think she’s a woman who loves passionately and opens her heart very easily, honey, I can absolutely understand her struggles cause that romance stuff ain’t easy for no one nowadays since finding a nice, decent human being and FAITHFUL partner is an almost utopic wish, God bless us. LoL

    • AoZora

      Now this article is a joke… Arama get hold of yourself and write some sensible articles…

    • ppfls

      last I checked, it’s not April 1st.

    • Sérgio Moço

      Oh so that’s why!!

    • hasawa

      Ash, I don’t know which drug you’re using but you’re doing amazing sweetie ❤️

    • ChaiChai

      What is this Arama???!!

    • Still striving for relevancy..

      lmao at this article XD

    • Dalooshe

      When best of both worlds collide for a laugh and an update :p that was a fun read no matter how hard some people try to take it seriously lol

    • 浜崎~アイゼン

      Stop being so toxic you sick bastards.

    • Lmao what is this? ya’ll are crazy.

    • Roddy

      AsianJunkie is that you?

    • mikkimousse

      I’m still confused. Also, why is Namie a Ravenclaw? She’s more of a Hufflepuff or Gryffindor imo.

      • Ash

        Ask the sorting hat.

    • Ntouch

      Oh wow, now this is a real post here! This totally up in my alley and I welcome it a lot. Only a fool will be offended by this really.

    • kreepy

      i have no idea what is this about…

    • surfboardt

      /reads post
      “wtf?”
      /sees user and everything clicks
      http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/276/411/c82.gif

    • lymli

      my time machine works, it’s april’s fool